I have had major troubles with someone who has borderline. What makes it harder is that some of my ocd thoughts revolve around this friend. So as a result, I try to constantly push this friend away. Just seeing this friend causes me incredible torment. Even seeing his name brings feelings of fear. This friend smothers me. Phone calls several times a day, not leaving my house when I ask him to, texting probably fifty messages a day and if I don't reply I get harassed and pursued. Some would call it stalking. He follows me until he finds me. He is so scared that I will leave but the thing he doesn't understand is that by chasing me I am becoming more and more afraid of him. He is terrified that I will abandon him.
I feel bad because i know that I over react because of my anxiety. He is not the only person that I have been afraid of. I get terrified that people are going to harm me. He is not nice alot of the time but other times is so lovely. He says sorry thousands of times and it means nothing to me. He holds me against my will and won't let me go. Sitting on me and stopping me from leaving when he has something that he wants to discuss. I just shut down inside and I don't know what to say.
I feel so trapped. He told me that it didn't matter where I went, that he would follow me there. He said that he couldn't live without me and that he would die. He gets a bit suicidal when I appear to be leaving him. Everytime I try to get some space he freaks out and starts questioning me. No answer I give is right because some of the stuff he says is just his perception and not in touch with reality.
He says that I'm not spending enough time with him, but the amount of time that he wants to spend with me is very unreasonable. I feel guilty about how I use my time already because the ocd takes up so much of my life. So you can imagine how much distress I feel. He demands that I spend time with him and he will hunt me down until i give in. I have been through this for years and I don't know how to get him away from me. I am sick of the way he treats me. It really hurts. It seems so crazy. It's like the plot for a soap opera, only it is real. It is my life.
This guy is completely obsessed with me and wants to be my friend even if I don't want to be his friend anymore. I have tried to get away so many times but always get sucked back into the friendship. He always says that he's changed but time has shown that he hasn't because of the things he is saying to me. I feel so trapped.
I know that I contribute to the problem as well. I have trouble expressing how i feel because i am so afraid of his reaction. He gets so angry sometimes. I don't pretend to be innocent because I have let it get this bad but it's something I simply cannot seem to get away from. He hasn't been diagnosed with borderline but t told me that it appears that he is borderline and I looked up what the symptoms are. He fits it to a te. He hides himself very well. People only see his fun loving side and also the anger. But I see so much more. I am so frightened of him sometimes that I hide inside my house in the corner. I just don't know if my fear is acceptable. Other people don't react to him like this. I don't know if the fear is just my mental illness or because of the way he is. It's so hard. I see no end to this torture. He either love me so much that he smothers me or he turns into someone who wants me punished when he thinks that I am rejecting him.