i just got home. before that i packed few things and i was ready to leave evrything behind. i sat in a park in pouring rain and i actually didn't care anymore about anything or anyone for that matter..... and i gave my partner last chance to come and talk to me to convince me to come back home. i am so tired of listening all of his promises. so tired of crying that i am willing to go on the streets and not look back. so tired and feelingless. i have lost all my feelings. i felt nothing when i left. only sadness for myself. but i thought i have to start thinking about me. not about everyone else around me. 'cause who else will think about me if i don't. so i thought about myself and left behind the things that hurt me for 2 years. my partner and everything with him. but i was able to give him a chance to talk to me. and not that he was able to convinse me to come back, but i just went back and said that you have time to prove to me that your words mean something. until tonight. that's what i said.
i don't know if it is actually me that wants to go to the streets or if it is depression. but i just don't know how to live anymore. everything is too much to me.