It has robbed me of even my simple holiday traditions... Usually, for Samhain (that's Hallowe'en for the masses) I would dress up, I would hand out candy & me & my husband would scare little kids, the house would be decorated to the max, I'd put up my dumb supper for my dead people, I'd do some Tarot readings to see what the next year holds... or maybe I'd go to someone else's celebration or hold one myself. In other words, I'd be having a ball right now. This year I'm sitting in front of my computer in my nightie, the porch light is off to signify, "No trick or treaters here, please", no cheshire-cat jack o'lantern graces my doorstep... I definitely don't want to even leave the house but I still have to go to work in a few hours, I haven't messed w/my Tarot for a year (since last Hallowe'en - my latest run of bad depression hit me last November & hasn't gone away)... I've still got to feed the dead folk, but this year it feels like an obligation instead of the joyous communion it should be. I'm at the point where I just want to send my hubby for Del Taco... And partying? Well other than work making it out of the question (I could have had tonight off, but I knew it wouldn't matter - all my supervisors were asking if I needed coverage tonight, they're very understanding of the various religious holidays we all have, which is normally a blessing)... I just don't have the oomph to go & be among happy shiny people tonight.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel miserable about feeling miserable, and I wish I could just snap my fingers or wiggle my nose & say, "I'm not depressed anymore!" and have it happen.

Depression is a thief - it's stolen a great deal of everything that makes life worth living, and it's a repeat offender, too. It sneaks in to every aspect of my life & takes a little bit more away every day...