I found that book on Amazon.com for $5.99 with free Super Saver Shipping if you spend $25 bucks total. I might buy it. I'd like to see it before buying it, though. But I live in a small town and I can guarantee no one will carry it here.

I don't want to hide my illness from my child. I want to be open about it. My mother's opinions about mental illness being such a shameful and hidden thing you just don't talk about are a major reason why I never got treatment until I was 28 years old. I've been this way my entire life. My first suicide attempt at age 11. While I wish more than anything in the world that my daughter NEVER goes through this hell, IF SHE DOES, I want her to know that it's normal to talk about it.

But that said.....I want it to be age-appropriate. I don't want to talk to a 5 year old child about neurotransmitters in the brain! Hello - not appropriate!!!

I had a small chat with her last night, actually, as I was taking my meds. I give her her vitamins when I take my meds. I said "do you know why you take vitamins?" She said yes, but then didn't know why. I said to help you stay healthy and grow up big & strong. Then I showed her my meds and said "do you know why Mommy takes medicine?" and she said no. and I said "Mommy's brain doesn't work like it's supposed to, so Mommy has to take medicine to help her brain work right"

There. I did something.

I guess I feel like I really want her to understand. But I know she can't. And at the same time I wish she never knew. It's a bit hard.