I don't think you're over reacting. It is very easy for a SAS to be very upset by it.. even if it wasn't involved in the SA you experienced. It was not directly involved for me either, but I do know that my dad watched porn with my brother (abuser) when my mom was out of town. So it was probably a contributor.

And yes, on the whole, I think that pornography (whether male or female or whatever... since it's NOT all naked ladies) does contribute to a desensitization and overly relaxed and casual attitude towards lust and sex. It promotes casual sex just by existing.

No, you should not have to find a way to just make peace with it. In a marriage there always needs to be room for compromise and discussion and even sometimes sacrifice. Your husband loves you and should desire very much to have you feel happy and safe and comfortable with him - in and out of the bedroom. If his use of pornography is going to hinder that, then it should definitely be discussed so that they two of you can work toward establishing an appropriate boundary that you are comfortable with.