If I had a $ for every time I didn't take my meds I'd be a millionaire!!! -well almost!
It's part of the illness to not want to take meds and to not think they are working or you don't need them etc...but even if you don't take your meds (or maybe esp) you still need and deserve therapy. It is a really big part of being able to live well with BP... My pdoc always says that when you stop taking meds there is usually a reason - side effects, they are not working well enough and you need an adjustment etc... Sometimes I haven't even realised that things aren't going well until I can't make myself take my meds. - Maybe you can convince your doctor to try something else.
Taking meds every day does not make u a freak - would you say that to my friend with diabetes, my mother in law who had her thyroid irradiated, my friend with asthma who needs drugs to help her breath or my mum who has severe immune-mediated joint and muscle disease and can't walk without immunosuppressants? (OK my mum's a freak but the rest????)
Hope you can find a solution. You deserve meds that don't make you feel like a freak or zombie.