Hi everyone,

New here, so adding my thoughts. I'm both social phobic and AvPD. I know I'm both because I definitely have panic attacks, worrying, replaying everything in my head, and all the other phobia goodies, but I also avoid situations much of the time, procrastinate like crazy, don't ever take the initiative with people, etc., all of which I think goes more with avoidance.

Also, to Medicated, I'm 26 and I was a virgin until less than a year ago.

When I was a kid, I wasn't bullied. Mostly I was ignored, because I usually chose to sit in the back or the corner or avoid the game or whatever. The only time I was noticed was for academics, since I was one of the smartest kids in most of the schools I've gone to. (Is that bragging? It's fact, so I don't see it as bragging. I hate myself but I also think I'm smarter than most people. I can't explain it.) I wasn't a hand-rasier, obviously, but if I was called on (and didn't have my selective mutism going at the time) I would always give the right answer and the other kids knew I was smart and would ask me to explain class stuff to them. They didn't want anything else to do with me though, and I don't think I really thought much about it. I watched TV alot and listened to music and to the radio, and I don't think I really cared about "friends." In junior high, we had enforced recess in the schoolyard, and I brought a tennis ball every day and walked the perimeter of the yard bouncing it by myself. I did know that people were looking at me, but I think I tried to tune it out. By high school, I could do some form of small talk and even had people who would eat lunch with me or work with me in class, but I never got invited anywhere or became close to anyone. Same with college. In law school, I tried talking to people my first year, and nothing came of it, so after that I sort of stopped trying as hard, especially since I also had other anxieties and avoidances regarding academics, future employment, etc.

I've been with the same therapist for 15 years. I like her, she seems to understand a lot of my problems, but I still don't have any friends and I don't have a boyfriend anymore and I don't know if she thinks that can change or not. My psychiatrist (who absent-mindedly gives out loads of pills) is retiring this month, so I may have to find a new one for my drug supply, but I just take klonopin. Sometimes several times a day. Yum yum.