I can't remember from your other posts whether you take meds or have consulted a doctor about your recent struggles with self esteem? If you haven't, then I think you should talk this out with your doctor.

One good thing is self esteem improves as you get a little older. I wish I knew what I know now, when I was 18 lol. This is one of the reasons this websites good, because you can get advice from people who've learned good life lessons.