I think it's all of those things, wepow. I know that I have struggled with telling because doing so made it REAL, and all those years I had denied it ever happened. Also I've learned that telling takes away my sense of control over the information. If you tell someone, they can tell whoever they want, and that is scary. Like what happened with my sister telling my mom about the SA. Didn't turn out so well.

I guess maybe I told this friend of mine for a lot of the reasons mentioned above. Also because maybe I hope she'll understand why certain things are hard for me. Like going out after dark. And why I said I'm arranging my schedule so I don't have T and class on the same day, stuff like that.

I definitely feel awkward now and in some ways I'm expecting to never hear from her again. I guess if that happens then that's not the kind of friends I want anyway.