Denise, I hope you will call a hotline or go to the hospital if you are seriously suicidal. Don't take this lightly. We want to hear from you for many years to come. I know you are down and it seems like it will be this way forever, but keep on hoping. If you don't have any hope left in you, I'll hope for you. Somebody had to hope for me during the 2-3 years of depression I have faced while they tried dozens of meds on me. The illness is lying to you. I've been there so many times (although I'm not presuming to know the exact kind of pain you're in).

Don't give up. We care about you. Find some reason to stay alive and hold onto it tightly.

Today: Feeling fine. It's been an anxiety and depression free day. I'm beginning to trust my meds and not fear that my brain will attack me when I wake up in the morning or go about my day. I still have some intrusive dark thoughts, but I can deal with them. Thank you all for your support on this thread. I wish for everyone to feel better and like life is manageable.