((((Lilly))))

I hear you and it makes sense. For so many we hid our emotions for so long. It was how we kept going each day. No one could know, no one could see, it was the way to keep everything safe within and without. Always told no one would believe or care so why would we ever allow any feelings to show or even be felt.

Now we tend to do what was familiar. It is easier to hide what we feel than to even go there. To feel them would make them become real something we do not want to feel or maybe we do not know how. When we hide our feelings no one knows we are in need and no one can get close. If we are strong we keep others at bay thus maybe feeling that safety of no one knowing.

When feelings come we push them back, for why let them come forward? We many times ask what is this feeling and is it even real? Our feelings never were of importance. No one cared when we were sad or hurt. No one came even when we did feel. To feel often meant we were bad for those that abused us never cared that we felt anything at all.

It was not about our feelings it was about them. So we learned a long time ago to pull those feeling within to keep them safe. For us we were not allowed to have feelings. Those within pulled them away, putting them where no one would ever know. To have feelings would have gotten us hurt or worse. If we did not show feelings maybe they would go away.

As you move through your healing your feelings will come as you are ready to feel them. Those within hold many of those feelings and as they release their memories and you accept them back the feelings will come. They are there--just protected many times.

The awful and hopeless feelings we do understand, right now more than at other times. The hurt really hurts and when you never were allowed to feel the hurt it is easier to pull it inside and not go there. But in time as you move forward you will be ready to face and accept those feelings.

But it takes time and it is hard. You are where you are and that is okay. When you are safe you will deal with those feelings and things that right now are away. It will come. I used to never think I would cry ever, but now sometimes I wonder if the tears will ever stop or if the pain will ever subside.

We have a lot to cry about. We have a right to those tears and feelings. And you will get to that point one day at a time. Right now we are hiding ourselves and it feels safest that way. In time we will come back out when it feels safe again. Just be kind to you and listen to your self, your gut. Remember to breath and know that you are not alone.

We care and are here for you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps