thanks for the replies, each and every one.

My friend had told me about her own CSA, although she minimized it and said it was "minor". So, maybe I felt that she had shown some vulnerability and I wanted to reciprocate? Also, the first time we met she asked me what I'm on SSI for and I told her PTSD, so I know she had to wonder what that was about.

It's been a couple days now since I told her and we have been texting back and forth a lot, I don't think it feels any different. I don't know if I'm going to tell my T about this. Right now I have a lot of concerns about letting my T know everything that's going on with me, because despite everything I still have a lot of fears that she's going to end my therapy if she sees me making too much progress. I know that sounds screwed up, but I can't help how I feel. It just feels safer to me to hold some things back.

I don't know. I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about T. I'm really looking forward to seeing her and wish I didn't have to wait until Tues (instead of our usual Mon) and at the same time I'm dreading starting trauma work again. It's been 3 weeks since we talked about anything big and it feels GOOD. I'm starting to dream about the trauma again and think about it during the day, I know this is because I'm trying to prepare in some way for ripping it all open again. But there's really no way to prepare for that kind of pain.