This is a hard one for sure. I agree with Rhiannon that the more time I spend helping others, the less I focus on thoughts of self pity ect. So many people were " victums" of abuse etc when younger. And the "victum" thoughts can become a default setting. So I would guess that just like any other obsolete operating system, it can become replaced with a newer and more efficent version. It does take time to learn to use it though. I think that healing often is a grace. I wonder if I could judge another human being as harshly as I judge myself. The answer to that is, absolutly no. I would respect other people more than than to ever pity them or see them as victums. Yet, that has been something i have done to myself.

I wish I had answers. But I do not.
Lillith, have you configured your settings to not be notified when someone writes something in a thread you have written in? You may want to check that out. I am notified by email whenever anyone posts something in a thread I have posted on