I know what depression feels like.
I know what anxiety feels like.
What I don't know is what I am feeling right now.

It's indescribable....but I know I can't continue pretending that everything is ok...I sought help 2 weeks ago tomorrow and am seeing a psychiatric nurse until I get in to see a psychiatrist, which I found out on Thursday will be on October 12. Each day gets harder and harder, if I have even one moment of peace, the anxiety catches on and just takes over...it's like my brain is saying, why are you relaxing, life can't be easy for you, something horrible is bound to happen...I HATE living in constant fear. I am having mixed emotions about starting meds, which my nurse has told me I DO NEED....as much as they tell me it is a sickness, I can't help but feel like it is my fault, like I could have stopped this, like I am a horrible, weak, lazy, useless person....why has society made me feel this way? Why have I allowed society to make me feel this way? Or is it society at all? Just like people are afraid to admit they have cancer to themselves, to family, to friends...I am afraid to admit that I have a mental illness.

When will this get easier? Or will it ever get easier? Does it go away? Or will I be suffering and medicated for life? Is mental illness with me forever?