Hi dear churchmouse,

This is not your fault.
I know what you mean about our culture (especially lately!) that seems to want to make illness like something we can control. I have read quite a few self-help books in my day, and I remember one of them where the author had the audacity to describe illness as being fundamentally tied to our thoughts (which we could control). True, with any illness it is always best to try to stay positive, but this is beyond that. Can you imagine telling someone with cancer to "tough it out?" or that some daily affirmations should be enough to replace a useful drug therapy?
There have been numerous studies that show that moderate to severe depression responds best to two major therapies when used together: psychotherapy along with antidepressants (or any other needed medication). So this is the best place to start. You are doing the very best you can by asking someone for help. None of us can do this alone. Believe me, I spent years trying: self-help books, meditation, prayer, exercise, etc. It is all good and it all helps. But were talking first about an illness, it must first be addressed as one. Good for you for seeking out help. My deepest good wishes and thoughts are with you!

Elana