I'll just get right to the point. The news of today has been hitting me with increasingly intensity through the day. Losing one of our own just... is both so tragically sad in and of itself, and also such a reminder of how very vulnerable we are when our brains become consumed and our thought processes are taken hostage by pain and nothingness.

I don't know if it's ok to post about this or ??? Just don't know. Do know that right now... how to describe it? There's a frustration in feeling so much about it, but not knowing where to let it out. I don't want to hear any trite or ignorant responses from those whose brains have never taken them hostage to the very darkest places. (Realizing they can't possibly help it, still, it's maddening, and certainly limits conversational outlets at such a time.) How could one possibly describe just how utterly this can happen and how very real the distortions feel? That it simply can't be understood from a rational, "normal" point of view?

Well, before I go off on this (much much journaling devoted to such frustrations), I just want to make a point of not letting this chance go by to say how much I truly do care about all of you here. Never ever doubt this. I've said it before, and no doubt will again. And again. And every single time it is from the very bottom of my heart.

Remembering this and holding together. It's our very best chance.