crying in the DARK all by ourselves...

My doctor says to write it out, so were doing what he asked.
We ate, slept, but mostly we spent processing therapy and was in a lot of treatment Dissociaive Units thinking we were going to get through this fast and that it wasn't going to take us X amount of years to heal from this. We wanted this diagnosis to fix our past and the mess we have to deal with now.
The mess we have to deal with now are people in this world. For some reason we have now are convinced it's us. The many many people that hurt us growing up were just having a really hard time leaving the past in the past. Our mean past keeps creeping up like a dam that has leaked and it feels were like if one more thing in our life makes another crack, we feel the dam will burst. We just don't know if we can hold our breath anymore so when or IF the dam breaks, we feel we will drown.
Were drowning now and we fear we can't find the top, meaning we don't know which way is UP anymore. We feel we just don't Fit IN anywhere however there are many wonderful people here that We know do care and we appreciate everyone that has touched us in a positive way...
Our brain is turning to mush and the doctors are convinced that we have survived this abuse due to being dissociative. We don't care anymore what makes us better cause we have constant pain and now our pain has merged and we can't seem to separate our pain anymore.
We went through a lot of healing and then we were retraumatized (sp?)
again in 1995. We were put into a wheelchair only to have to fight to get through the crowds of people. We are still trying to deal with the summer of 1995.
The ? is where do we go from here?
Thanks for reading, (trying to learn to post about me)
Crew