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(JD) · Sep 27, 2010, 12:33 AM

(((Crew))) I'm sorry to hear you're struggling right now. I know that it won't last "FOREVER" but it might feel that way. Feelings are not always truth, remember. I have to tell myself that when I'm in a pain flare and want to toss it all in.

Healing is rarely linear.
With a DD healing is often forward, backward, backward, forward... up down down up up and maybe plateau for a bit and then wham! You're back to where you began. Well, I think it may FEEL that way, but it isn't.

Even if you do begin going back over previous issues you think were worked through, what you end up doing is covering them on another level, a higher healing level. It's still hard because it's still therapy.

You have to find for yourself what you're comfortable calling "healed" I guess? Because it does take years to heal. And sometimes if the healing began late in life, then you begin suffering with evidences of old age too... and you might think you'll never heal, or it isn't worth the effort.

But it is worth it, you are worth it.

Dissociation doesn't work well as one ages. What worked pretty good (kept you alive?) when young ... well it begins to break down and often cause more problems as you mature. I guess as a child your world is somewhat contained. At least compared to being an adult when you can go out and do nearly anything you want, when you have so many "wants" pulling inside, it must be difficult. To not have full control, or maybe not even full knowledge as an adult would make that even more difficult, I'm sure.

You can get through this. Thousands ahead of you have, and there's more behind you that will as well. I'm sorry it's so tough right now.