Thanks Innerzone - very profound and honestly true.
We need to learn to trust and know ourselves. Know what options are available to us, know what our breaking points are, know when we need to ask for help.
I was chatting to T about this last week - the rational part of you that says the darkness WILL lift, and the bipolar part that just cannot believe this, and is consumed with the darkness of it all.
I wish I could assist in making you feel better. About 2 weeks ago I was consumed with MAJOR depression. Contacted both my T and pdoc about it. I was seriously considering cashing in. But I managed to convince myself to sleep it out - that things would get better.
And chatting to others (T and close friends) definitely helped me get through it.
I do think that journalling can help tremendously - you can go back to read how you felt and make sense of it while you are more or less stable. Or you can realise that you have actually been in a darker place before, and that you have come out the other side shining!

Keep your support network in the loop how you are feeling and NEVER feel embarrassed about anything. We do not have life easy; and it's made harder that most people just DO NOT understand. We need to rely on those few that do care and understand