for sure, muser. this has to be difficult to know where to draw the line. i think you expressed yourself well in that your daughter just plain needs to grow up...it has to be hard tho when little ones are involved too.think your helping with clothes was good. and seeing your grandchilren must help your spirits and their's too. just try to be there for them as best you can. it creates worry i know, but you're right, your daughter needs to learn to make wiser choices. is there any way you discuss this with her...not pointing the finger at her but seeing if you two can brainstorm to a good solution for her...without giving her money...idk, it's complicated like u said. i hope she will make a u-turn and get a stable job. is there any way she can salvage the car, i.e. calling the lender or is she in too deep to save it from repo?
i know it's usually the mom's who feel guilty in cases like this but in fact you have nothing to feel guilty about. we are such nurturers we immediately jump to that negative emotion even tho the thought is irrational. don't i know?!!!