after reading your last post, muser, well can you get yourself back in therapy? sometimes i can't fix a concern but i find talk therapy helps me sort things out along with the therapist's input. i know it will take time for your daughter to realize the error of her ways, so to speak, and it sure sounds like you need a good sounding board.
in some way or another all of us who have grown children have heartache over them. (hope i'm not over-generalizing) just want you to know you're not alone. they just need to find their own way and for some it is more difficult based on the choices they make.
your bf is trying to protect you i believe. it's so much easier when a person can step back from a situation and see it for what it is or isn't. but it's much more difficult when the heart strings are being pulled no matter what we know objectively.
since your daughter is still fuming i think you are wise to wait to speak with her. lots of good suggestios here re your thread. it might be good that your daughter is having to figure this out on her own. if she loses the car hopefully she will start to realize the consequences of her decisions.
i know it's difficult for you, but perhaps all this could be a turning point for her. it's like hitting an emotional bottom. maybe then you all can sit down and work out a solution but i believe, imho, you will need to be firm with the conditions you set re helping her, if at all. she has the assumption perhaps that you will bail her out of her jackpot.(saying this with a bit of knowledge re our pms)
keep us posted on how YOU are doing. we care and i am sorry you have been so upset.