wow, ty everyone.

I don't understand why it's so hard to talk about it.

My aunt and I had a very complicated, love-hate-by-turns relationship, at least from my end. One moment we were in each other's arms, the next moment, we were in heated conflict. One moment, it seemed like we knew a secret language together, the next moment, one of us was saying to the other, "What the h are you talking about?"

I have tried some bereavement groups, mostly online and one locally. I still cant' really connect with people (social anxiety) and still cant' really talk about her cause it was sooooo complicated.

I am wise enough to know that ppl can grieve ppl, even if they were abused by the person who died, but I am still very self-conscious about it.

I wish I could just "She was wonderful." or "She was awful". But it's not that simple.

ty all for reaching out to me, ty Mary Alice for acknowledging what I did for you.

That feels good.

Billi