Thank you all so much for your wise and careful responses. (I kind of wanted to take this one back). I have really just had some awful jobs. I can't believe it. And customer service after 8 years just takes so much out of a person. I think I get triggered because I spent my childhood stifling my emotions and being careful that everything I did was to help my parents and pretend I never had any needs. Then I get to work and I'm super good at it, you know? It's like, "let me do everything possible in my power to help you, the customer." So again it was like I didn't exist. I remember once having a coughing fit behind the counter and having to run off to get some water. There were a few people in line and nobody asked if I was OK. Instead when I got back this person was just disgruntled and was like, "I was wondering where you went. I need help with something." That's just how it is. You have to have some stamina and serious boundaries to deal with that kind of stuff. With the depression, I just haven't had it. I mean now at work (during my very last job) I did the bare minimum and found I had grown super cynical. I still got a raving review though. Great. A raving review for a $8 an hour job. I should be so lucky. (See? I'm just being arrogant right??) Ugh.
I just can't not help people. I guess that's what happens when you have to take care of an alcoholic parent from the age of six.
Anyway... more rambling.
Please feel free to expand on any of this if you can find any of it relatable. I love to hear what you all have to say and feel so heartened that any of you can relate. Hugs.
Elana