I also read somewhere that people with AVPD feel like they are hiding a dark secret and that secret is their true self. Even when people with AVPD get married and have relationships, they keep themselves at an arms length. When their partner says "I love you", the person with AVPD says "I love you too" but they are thinking "You only THINK you love me. If you really knew me, you wouldn't be saying that. I will never tell you what I really am because if you find out, you will reject me and I would never recover from that."

It is very stressful because the person with AVPD always feel like they are acting around other people. It is like having to keep up a complicated series of lies. Before they talk, they have to check over in their mind "Is this in keeping with the persona that I have created or is it too much like my real self?" There is a constant fear of discovery, although most of the time, the person with AVPD is not really sure what it is that they are hiding.

Sometimes, when someone finds out their secret and accepts it, the AVPDer has a feeling of relief for a few hours/days/weeks that they don't have to hide or lie anymore. Inevitably, the person with AVPD will start ruminating about themselves and will "remember" ANOTHER deep, dark secret that no one must know and the cycle will continue.