Thanks everyone for listening.

I actually met him when I was a foreign exchange student in London and 16. He was my first real "crush" and I went back to catch up with him several times after the foreign exchange ended. He didn't like America before and didn't even want to visit it. Immigration was to o difficult for me to get the right to live and work over in the UK, so I finally gave up trying that around 1993 or so. My husband-to-be was such a different person then. He's always been very intelligent, but then he kept a very tidy flat, was going to university, worked, was the most responsible person in our little group (albeit a bit eccentric). He was always there for me and always very kind.

I met an American when I came back over here who I was with until 1996 (the biological father of my child). This guy was an absolute nightmare and I finally got the courage to leave him after a few miserable years.

A few weeks after leaving, I found out I was pregnant. The man in London, who is now my husband, encouraged me to have the child, rather than give it up for adoption, saying that would really set me straight and help get my priorities right. We stayed in touch on the telephone throughout the years, and he was the person I could always ring up if I was having a hard time and needed to talk.

He himself had gone through a very bad relationship that lasted 2 1/2 years. He had a "bit of a breakdown" when it ended, which is when he ended up in the homeless shelter. He was in one once previous to that, while he was at University. Apparently the student accomodation paperwork got messed up, and he lost his dorm. He was very frustrated by this and dropped out. He had been working odd jobs ever since and living a party life to the extreme.

I followed his advice and really sorted out my life. In 1999, this man and I decided to meet up again in person. He also wanted to meet my son. We celebrated New Year's 2000 with him in Ireland at his mum's.

In March of 2000 he offered to be a father to my son, and we filled out the paperwork to accomplish that. A month afterwards, he asked me to marry him. I said yes, and we were going to get married in the States that summer. He could never save up the money though, so that didn't happen.

I was planning on taking a vacation to London that year for Christmas, so thought, "why don't we just get married then?". We did. I had to return to the states though 2 weeks after we were married. I noticed a big change in him at that point, but thought he just needed a woman's influence to get him back on track. His finances were in a mess, as was his flat - but I put that down to a bachelor's way of life. He was going to visit us in March 2001, but couldn't save the money... When September 11 happened though, I thought I needed to be with him and made the arrangements to move to London in December of that year.

I did, and found employment quite quickly. I had alot of work cleaning up my husband's efficiency flat though. He mentioned that his rent was in arrears, but that he was paying it off. The place was filthy, and the only furniture was a sofa he had found in the rubbish, a table, and a futon mattress. I was pricing out 2 bedroom flats, and ended up taking over paying our rent (as he didn't, and we were served with an eviction letter). I paid off more than 2/3 of the debt when he decided that he wanted to move to the States.

I had taken him on his first vacation, the summer prior to his decision, to the US to meet my family. He didn't want to go, but I insisted. When he visited, he loved it. He talked to a few construction workers (what he was doing in London) and found the union labour rates to be better than what he was making in the UK. He also thought the housing prices were very cheap and people were very friendly.

I loved London, spent alot of money and gave alot of things up to make the move, and had worked hard on sorting out our situation there. I didn't want to start from scratch in the States, and abandon my dream of living in London. My husband insisted though, and told me he'd divorce me if we didn't do it (financial problems were really eating at us - I was sick of paying all the bills while he sat at the pub: we argued about this constantly). I finally gave up and agreed to move.

It took a long time and alot of money to file the immigration paperwork for him to get the right to work here as my husband. He finally got a social security number the other week: I started the process back in May of this year, when I had to move back. He's been working about 1 1/2 months now as a labour contractor for a hospital, though.

A friend of mine offered my husband a job (he noticed how tired I was from working all the time and thought this would help me). I declared myself a sole proprietorship, with my husband as my employee, and used my social security number as the tax id on the invoices we sent through. Because of the personal connection, we've been able to pull this off.

The "documented" bi-polar, I don't know how he got that idea. I asked my parents and they said they might have mentioned something like that. When I was a teenager, I was very upset that I couldn't stay in London with this guy (my dream man). I ended up being confined at the age of 17 for 2 weeks for the reason of depression. I personally think this did me know good and I didn't need that - I was just a love-struck teenager. I wasn't prescribed any medication and no one gave me any diagnosis.

All in all, this man has been a very important part of my life. He used to be a very different person though. Seeing as I've done alright for myself throughout the years when I was on my own, and he can't seem to get it together, I don't think he should say all our problems are because of my depression.

Something has happened to him and I'm not sure what. He refuses to talk about it or go to any counselling with me though. He can be so nasty, saying horrible things, and then be quite alright. I wish I could tape record him secretly sometimes when he's shouting at me or our son - then play it back to him when he's calmed down.

Anytime I get angry with him, he says I have a disease called depression and I need help. Its never suggested that maybe he just help out around the house when I'm too busy - then we could see if my mood would improve.

Very long story - I know, sorry to babble on! I made an appointment for next week with the social worker. I can't stand his attitude anymore, and am very upset that I've lost another year of my son's life because I was too busy working. Its so hard to forget about who my husband used to be. I just wish I could figure out what happened to change him so drastically. And I'm so far in debt after all this moving around I couldn't afford a babysitter even. Thats why I'm just trying to keep things civil until I can afford to have another option - and if things haven't changed by then - move on!!!