I have to call my mom tomorrow and tell her I can't come visit for Christmas. She lives pretty far away so I'd have to fly to see her. There's just the 2 of us since I'm an only child. I have always had the money to go visit her at least once a year, but this year I just don't have it. I feel kind of fed up because I always have to spend the money to travel to see her. I've done it like 6 or 7 times. She finally came to visit me once (last year). But talked a lot about how hard the drive was. Part of me wants to see her, even for just a couple of days. It is her favorite holiday. She bakes, cooks, decorates (but drinks a lot in the evenings, which is the worst). To do it I'd have to dip into my dwindling savings - and it's expensive, like $400 or $500. Maybe I should just do it? IDK! I feel so guilty. If I didn't have this depression I could be getting on with my life and have the money to go visit. I really don't think she is going to be that sympathetic. (I told my T the only way she might be sympathetic is if I was gravely ill). She is usually concerned more with how she feels than how I feel. And I am going to be left feeling like I have done something horribly wrong.