I am going to bed in a few minutes...but my emotions are going numb at the prospect of trying to start a new job--again. I am feeling really sad, anxious, & fearful at the idea of starting at a new place again tomorrow & so I'm trying to just make myself numb to it all.

I don't understand why I'm feeling this way.

My physical health is still not that great. My sinuses are still messed up, my hips are hurting & need injections, my foot that supposedly has arthritis in it is really bad, & my teeth are in dire need of dental care. I have medical insurance but can't afford to go to the doctor due to the co-pays. I take over $250 worth of prescription medications per month, which is a lot considering my husband's take-home pay is only $700 for two weeks if he doesn't work overtime. I also need to see the P-doc to get my depression meds adjusted--but lack of funds hits me there, too.

I have got to go back to work, yet I am terrified of it. I am trying to just not think about it, but it is only a few hours away. My husband told me not to go if I don't want to & he means it, but we can't continue to live on his salary alone & he can't continue to work the huge amounts of overtime he's been doing to make ends meet without killing himself.

I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling so alone right now. No one around me understands what I'm going through & I cannot put it into words that any of them will understand.

Kim