I don't think I am doing it, actually. I really think I'm done. I felt so good during those 3 weeks we didn't talk about it, even with missing T and with everything else going on, I slept a LOT and I didn't have flashbacks or nightmares or anything. I think I can go back to that and just be okay. I didn't finish telling my story to T, but I told most of it. I healed a lot. It's going to be a lifelong process, I know that. I will probably have to return to trauma work in the future. But I think I have to be done for now. It's the only thing that gives me some peace. If I give myself permission to be done, to not go back there and sit in her office and rip myself open, it's the only thing I can think about that gives me some room to breathe.

I've been learning a lot about self-care lately. I've been working really hard on figuring out what I need and meeting those needs or finding some way to get them met. And I have to take care of myself, nobody, not even T, will do that for me. I have to protect myself from being hurt. In the past I wasn't able to do that, but now I can and I have to if I want to have any kind of a life worth living.

I just can't keep hurting myself and abusing my younger parts this way. I feel like I have to be the protector of the younger versions of myself that I carry around inside. And the only way I can do that now is to stop this. It's been almost a year since I started trauma work. I'd say I tried. I'd say I gave it everything I had. And if I keep pushing I won't have anything left to live on.

enough. enough.