Peaches, the people in your past who you opened up to were not healthy? Opening up to these people actually feels better because unhealthy people are incapable of intimacy. (Actually it seems that someone who is unhealthy and who can open up will only open up with those who are unable to be intimate). But opening up to an unhealthy person will cause pain and problems (as you have experienced). Your therapist is healthy and this is why you don't want to open up to her because then you will have intimacy? I had to work through this. I chased after unhealthy people because healthy people caused me to feel distress. In order for me to be able to open up to healthy people I had to work through my fears of intimacy which involved my self worth. So I worked on my self worth.......