((((hug46)))

I am new to depression- over 2 years and not quite right in the head yet. You are not alone, depression as I have been told has ups and downs in the healing process.

I have again been surprised at how bad the downward cycle feels, the distorted thinking the OMG I will never be well, how sometimes when I see my pdoc or T I am in a neutral mood, but I now keep a simple record of activies and moods, so even if I
have some energy at the appointment I can show how active that I have been. (or not)
I also decorate the improved moods with a big happy face and remind myself that at some point the medication made a change, and mark bad days as flare-ups.
I have recently discoved that I feel I am responsible for feeling anxious and resist taking medication, as anxiety and depression go hand in hand for me, even if the antidepressants are not working yet the anti-anxiety does work if I take the medication.
My gift to myself is that I was able to give up work, with the help of disabilty and am in therapy so that even if I can only be up for 4 hours a day, due to how depression sucks the life out of me.

The worst still for me is the pain of the downward cycle, and that I try to hard to get over the bad feeling, which takes away the energy needed for healing. So I can drop in energy like my cell phone.
Last I had to call my Pdoc for support-and she did return the call and was really useful.
So if you are distressed, do not wait to ask for and earlier appointment or advice.
All the best.