Thanks everyone for the responses. it helps I am still in survival "**** it" mode and would just rather stay there than be vunerable in the next 2 weeks... I don't want to see anyone else there - that was the major bummer about GT also being gone - I'd finally found a good back up for my own T. And now I don't care (which, Like Echoes said, it really means i care too much and can't deal so it is easier to shut down). I know T wants me to stay open and vunerable - but I don't feel she truly gets that it becomes a life or death situation. Even when in town, if i get there, she can't help - just says "go to the hospital, kiya".

Wow Echoes, yeah. I have been angry - been a lot of things, really... I have therapy today at 3 and have been thinking about trying (or not) to process this with her - and if I want to do this right before she leaves the country. I ran through all the points that built up to this moment (in my mind) - all the pieces of straw that piled up and tipped the scale. And how I would talk to T in asking her to not interrupt me or talk over me or re-direct me or minimize what I just went through. To ask to just be heard. That would be HUGE. like seriously huge. To not have to discuss or analyize it. Just say it as in purging, and be done. i think it is huge to just have even thought about it. so, we shall see... wish they had a lil icon of a scared smiliey wrapped in a blanket.... that would be me

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