Update:
Talked to her on the phone this morning. She offered to pay. I took her up on it. She told me I just had to come. If I didn't come for the holidays she'd be depressed. I feel ambivalent about it. It is what it is.
Kind of want to go (for a day at least) but not sure about the whole six days I'm staying. It's always hard. With her drinking, it's always triggering. I really have always wished I had siblings to take the load off a bit. It bothers me that she puts so much of her happiness on me. I can barely take care of myself. I can't make her happy too. But if showing up is enough, so be it. Hardly any money for gifts. I think she's going to get some homeade presents: fudge maybe or a drawing. lol. Just like the old days. Maybe something made out of macaroni.
I guess that's the thing about life. It's bittersweet. It's messy. There's a lot of gray.