I came home from school/work early today because I was just too distracted and too emotional. It's hard to focus on patients and learning when you're preoccupied with your own precarious mental state.

Now I'm on klonopin again... sleeping the day away and not getting any schoolwork done. At least it helps pass the time, but I should try to get SOMETHING done.

I don't know what the psychiatrist is going to want to say or do tomorrow. I've only met with him once, so I don't know if it's his style to try to manage situations like this on an outpatient basis, or if he's going to want to send me to the hospital for stabilization.

Part of me wants to be hospitalized. Part of me hopes that it isn't necessary. Most of me knows that it could be disastrous to my education and possibly ruin my career. I've fought so hard to get this far (within 4 months of graduating) that it would be tragedy if I couldn't make it.

Even on the klonopin, I'm nervous.

Bipolar really sucks sometimes.