Thanks to all who responded and also to all who simply are here and care.

I have been so sick about all that's going on, it's the 2nd night I haven't slept.

Thank you Ladywolf. You thihk this is engrossing, this is just the tip of the iceberg. The details of some of this would make anyone's hair stand on end. But that aside, I had not thought of Jewish Family Serice. Ironically, many years ago I even worked for them.

I'm not sure if there's one in this area, but I will look to see if they are, and at least attempt to call. I guess by now I'm not so optimistic. I probably have exhausted the resources, and for those I haven't, well, it seems once you're branded a troublemaker, it never disappears. And I swear, I really am not. The rep came from a few that screwed up to cover their tracks, and has followed me down the line ever since.

I have been giving thought to what I think I need to do first, difficult for me because of the obsessiveness and diffiuclty in making decisions. But I will try.

Although my ex-therapist still thinks I should back down and yet again let them withdraw promised services and not respond to things they have done that have caused me harm, I just cannot do it anymore. I have been doing it for months, they have treated me even worse, andI feel powerless and like crap because of it.

I guess the most logical thing to do is get the hell out of this program, but it would be foolish to do so until I got some of the services they promised that would be difficult once I left. Moving for one.

They have the means to help me find a place and help me move physically and financially. I also want them to help me stabilize my financial situaiton, which means helping me apply for things, and write waivers for thinjgs like my student loan, which is being taken out of my check (and I can't afford it now).

I also need them to stop being as critical and as they are, to make an attempt to understand my symptoms and my needs, and to help me in the ways I need it, NOT in the way that is easiest for them. This approach was promised me originally.

I also need some supportive therapy, someone who can help me get grounded, help me focus, and who I feel is on my side. This is difficult because I am supposedly must use the people in this program.

As it is tomorrow I have rto calll yet again (3rd time this week) to try and find out if and when they made an appt for me to see the shrink (they keep forgetting, say they forget, then blatantly insist they did not forget. sgih).

and to tell the director I need to talk to her about his treatment plan. How to present that to her is another problem.

This is not a suicide threat, but to be honest, I am so down about all this I'm really tired. It's been going on so long, and I'm really beginning to wonder if it's worth it any more.

I think the whole apartment thing has gotten me feeling the worst.