well....I guess I can understand why her eyes got REALLY WIDE when I told her. Several months ago I signed up for a conference in Vegas. Three other coworkers going with me. I quit meds about two weeks before Vegas.

I was telling my Pnurse that I had gotten a bit drunk in Vegas. She asked how it worked with the Lithium...and I said well since there was no Lithium involved it went fine! OH BOY. I guess telling your Pnurse that your bipolar self quit meds and went to Vegas is a bit alarming... But nothing happened so it was all right.

She was a bit hurt that I didn't tell her two weeks ago during our last session. I told her that I was still wondering what would happen and I wasn't ready to involve her. We had a big long discussion about how I need to decide just how much swinging is acceptable since the major swings occur several years apart.

She almost cried when she said I need to make sure I protect myself during triggering events like childbearing. That my illness had a history of two deadly episodes of depression and she doesn't use the term deadly lightly.... that there is no way she wants me working nights ever again. It just wears on me and ends up triggering my depression. That if I got pregnant and the hospital tried to move me to night shift that she would do everything in her power to stop them because she cares about me and doesn't want me to suffer. That I don't have to power through and it doesn't make me weak to keep a day shift position after I earned it through seniority. She wants to try ambien CR again because she wants me to get 7 hours of sleep a night.

She left it completely up to me to decide what to do about psych meds. She gave me this beautiful speech about how she hates the term mental illness because it makes her clients think they are wrong or bad when they aren't. She went into the business of Pnurse to relieve suffering. Blah blah blah I would love to believe half the things she said. But it's too hard to accept that somebody cares.

I will put the rest of it in another post.