yeah, I'm replying to my reply again

here's why. I really really want to call T again. It's not very late here on the west coast yet. I'm so scared to go to sleep. I want to talk to her about that. But I wonder if I just want to call her because I want to feel that connection again. And if so, if that's a good enough reason or if the 45 mins she spent on the phone with me already today should be enough for me.

Am I trying to push her and see how far I can go? Am I trying to test the relationship and make sure we're okay? Do I really need to talk to her? And are any of those reasons valid ones for calling her at home at 10pm? Is it ok to have those needs? And why DO I feel such a huge sucking hole inside of me? It's all spinning around in my head. I don't know what to do.