yes I've been like that too...wrote crisis orientated emails then once the session arrives its almost like I feel ashamed...but I think both feelings are true and feeling crisis orientated at a distance is my way of communcating how it feels to be alone outaide of therapy..but once back and feeling held my emotions feel more managable...repeat and rinses...I leave the session feeling held only within hours to feel back in crisis unyet there is nothing on the outside thats changeD, accept of course T has put me down so to speak and a part of me cries to be picked back Up...eventually when T shows shes willing to pick me up and that my cries to be held are fine do I begin to internalise her presence and feel less need to demonstrate my needs....jut my thoughts on your post..