thanks guys.
Well, I've cancelled - a part of me is regretting it. I've now tried to formulate a few sms to explain what a mess a feel like, that I feel ashamed, am beginning to feel embarrassed for my yo-yo-ing. And this has really just made it all worse.

I wish i would just look at a T session like a date - it is a non-negotiable; there is a reason the session was scheduled and I need to keep up those meetings.

She says I shouldn't feel embarrassed, but I do... Now i crave having someone to talk to. But at the same time, after today's episodes, I feel ashamed to have to talk to someone face to face.