I think I get what you're saying here darkrunner -- Melba, I think what's tricky about the epiphanies you've found from therapy is that these things can't be reached by brute force; they take time and a lot of patience and reflection. We hear that you have learned to drop the "victim" role -- that's good, really good -- but we read this and might judge ourselves for not being able to drop the victim role or move beyond it. There should be no judgment for those of us who still get caught in victimhood.