Dear Distressed 2010,
I dont think looking back at your past is going to help matters. The past is gone now and looking at the past in the present is futile because we live in the present time. All we can do is live in the present , enjoying life moment to moment. Being afraid of the future is also counterproductive, because it hasnt happened yet. There cant be any fear of the future if you live in the moment .Take the example of drinking a lovely glass of water. You look at it and say "this is a beautiful glass of water. " You hold it up to the light and see how brilliant it shines. You are aware of each sip that you take. Finally you put the glass down. This is how you should live your life. Not every thing in life is pleasant, but you should surrender to the "suchness" of it. Sometimes we have thoughts in our head that are counterproductive. Like I often remember the terrible experience I had with an old PDOC from my past. When this happens I am aware that it is happening and I say to myself"not you again "! and I bring myself back to the present time. Watch the thinker in you ,as our thoughts can be negative and make us miserable.
I recommend you read Eckhart Tolle's books, especially the Power of Now dawnhopeful