Thank u PT52!

I am still awake. 3.39am. I am in bed unable to sleep. I am wide awake, this is via my mobile. I am struggling at the moment to keep normal. I have bluffed to everyone I am fine. Im not. Wen did I start becoming a brilliant liar. I hate people saying that to me. But thats wat I am. I am a liar. I have 4 days until I see a counsellor. I havent seen a counsellor since July. I cant cry anymore its physically hard and I am always unsuccessful. I keep thinking of people and talking to them. I see them in my head and I talk to them. I am not functionin. Everyday is a struggle. I am just maskin it all. I dont want people to ask questions BUT I actually do want this. I have been reading more info on Bipolar. I also looked up suicide too. Why do I do this to myself. I dont feel suicidal at all. Nitemare