I know exactly how you feel and totally understand what you are saying. These diseases we all have sumed up to one main word--bi polar can makes us feel so ashamed around others that are normal, or seem to be etc. Every day our moods change many times over and over. Like yourself I have been saying why bother this suffer any longer. My furture is already damned. At least that's how I see it. You said you are afraid one day you end up on disability so I can only assume you are working at the moment????? I can't even work at all. Plus, I have tried and tried to get disability with all the embarassing facts from doctors saying I am uncapable of holding a job, plus I have physical disability also I have proff of stating the same thing however, because I stayed at home to mother my children for 7 years of my working life I am told I don't have enough points to earn disability. I am 47 and have worked with the exception of around 9 years total since I was 16. That angers me so much but Im not going into that.

If you do have a job for now cherish it even if you hate it. Feel blessed for every day you are earning money until it may one day stop. I wish I had words of encouragement but i am new here and still trying to cope with my problems. This is a great place, talk to us I promise you will ALWAYS feel at least a little bit better each time you read responses of all the ppl here.

From all of us to you. You are never alone in here.