I am not academic I used to be good at sewing and doing hair all of which I taught myself while being homeless and unemployed while looking after 3 children. My mother never encouraged me to do anything indeed she always told me I was worthless and good for nothing between her and my father using me to take out all their fustrations on. I lost all confidence in myself when I did get a job I always felt I was not worthy of the job even when I was encouraged by my manager to get a higher posisition I alway refused as I knew I could not cope with it. It took all my energy just to keep doing the job. I encouraged my children took try for what ever they were interested in and they have turned out pretty good. But as for me I am in my 50s I work looking after people I hate the job now I went into it because I felt if I was doing something worthwhile I would feel better. But it takes all my energy to keep going. My parents are elderly and I have to help support them so I have to work. I dread each day I get up and go into work. I am afraid of the modern world I find everything so confusing. I used this computer as my son gave it to me I can do simply things like e.mailing and after finding this site I read and see how other are doing but most of the time I write stuff but forget where I wrote them. I have had some lessons but everything you learn seems to become outdated before you can get used to it. I know I am rambling on I am about to go to work I dread it and today I have to go see a consellor for the first time in over ten year and I am nervous. I am afraid of my work finding out about my depression as I am afraid of losing my job I told someone once that I was depressed well I broke down weeping in front to them and they have treated me different since I dread it in case they told anyone higher up.