I lied for years, too. That doesn't make us terrible people. Can you make it 4 days? I'm sorry it's a struggle, and I know how hard it is to share your feelings with anyone. Maybe the people you are talking to in your head are the ones you should be talking to in person. It's scary and there are going to be people who don't understand, but there are also people who will still love you. It's not easy and it's not fair, but it is what we have to deal with. Sending peaceful vibes your way...if you can't sleep, try to rest. Don't look at any more negative websites. just rest, okay?