Boy do I understand sugahorse. This is the way I feel much of the time:

The light is beginning to fade. Depression creeps back in like a deep black hole. The very depth of it is so dark and empty. I don't care anymore or want to live. There is nothing I can find that will make me want to live, not even my kids. I find no joy in life. My thoughts are dark and lifeless. They live and circle around my own death, hoping that all feeling will go away. There is a war that rages inside my soul. Lifeless and useless I am. So empty the hurt becomes unbearable. The only way to stop the hurt is to die. Tears run deep, hurt emblishes me and death surrounds me. I want to hide, close my eyes and wish it all to go away. It just comes back in it's full force of darkness and hope is chased away.