Hey PT52,

I have been made to feel guilty and bad for lying. Friends and ex friends have said I am a brilliant liar and that I have gotten better at it since I became ill. 1 of my close friends said through text she hates the fact I lie to her and the fact I am lying to myself... she said the latter is worse than anything else

I will go to my app on 5th just dubious about them helping me as I am now weirder than I have been.

The people I speak to are really nice people from my past... some I don't know well and who have just popped in for a brief moment. I just always have someone with me in that respect. Even though I am sitting in my bedroom at the mo there is someone with me. Not looking at me etc just sitting with me. I hate feeling stupid like this. Why do I have people with me and why do I have to talk to them.

I want to look at the negative websites though... its like an impulse that I feel... But I know its gonna upset me. Mr Google has a lot to answer for haha!!

Will this horrible patch go away anytime soon?

I cant even take a tablet as I only have 3 left and I need them for during next week. I am weaning off them and only have 3 left. I see my GP in 2 weeks so I need these tablets to help me next week and get me through a really hard week I have ahead of me

I dont want to go to work... I am gonna have to leave soon and really can't be bothered