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So are you saying that you don't evaluate the danger of the other person. . .but instead you evaluation your own strength to withstand the danger? That's a completely new thought to me. I'm trying to wrap my head around it. Can you say more about it?
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Well, let me see if I can explain
.... It's not that I don't evaluate the other person AT ALL, I do that to an extent(I do keep my sensory up in case a person could be VERY unsafe)... -- I have been learning though that what I REALLY have control over is
how I react to whatever the situation is. No one can MAKE me feel anything... I do that to myself. I am totally responsible for MY feelings.
From Deli:
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re: evaluating your own strength... even if pdoc is on an 80 (which is high for me), i might consider telling him something, but first i also look at how much *i* can cope if he lets me down. it's kind of about making sure i'm a safe person first - ie, if pdoc isn't safe for one particular thing, making sure that i can provide my own safe harbour also. if i dont think i can handle it if pdoc lets me down, then i wont disclose something (or maybe i'll disclose it gradually so i can build up slowly).
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Wow-- Deli explained it very well.
I think you must be my twin.
that's how it is for me too!
I felt responsible for my own safety from age 1 on,(youngest in a split family with 7 children and a mother that was mentally ill) I quess I learned to be quite intune to people and situations and how I can cope/handle them within myself. As a child I was in some situations I had no control to keep myself safe(a couple- a guy pulling a gun on me while playing in a large vacant lot with trees, or an older brother in-law attacking me when I was to babysit there) but when I could, I would survey the person/situation and keep a check on how I was dealing with it all-- inside myself.(unfortunately dissociating if overwhelmed)
Now, being an adult(and in therapy for a few years) I just recently am kicking around the idea that maybe most places/people aren't as "dangerous" as I used to think.(
am I REALLY thinking this!) and also that I have the power to react in a manner that is healthiest for me(figuring out just what is healthiest can be elusive though
)
I hope that made some kind of sense.
and I hope you will find the path that feels best for you Peaches.
fins