I know what you mean about holding on to pain, and not going into the good feelings. Good grief, I learned that from my mom. She's never, ever happy. There is always something to find fault with....

For me, I seem to need to have a "situation" to focus on, be working on, be fixing, be wallowing in.... I rarely enjoy a moment of freedom from worry because I'm so used to having it present in my life! It does happen - on vacations far away from home, or while I am jogging, or at a party at a friend's house. When I first started on prozac, I definitely felt times of freedom. But, I've drifted back into the busy, stressed out lifestyle I had before.

I guess we just have to keep trying - letting go in therapy, having happy moments in real life - until it becomes the standard. And honestly, if you think your T may retire in a year then maybe now you two put together a plan for it to be a productive, fruitful year!
good luck!!!