this week has been a roller coaster of emotions, for sure. In case anyone cares anymore, my T did call me this morning and was apologetic about missing my call/msg last night.

I was in class when she called so I didn't get to answer it, and on my way home I had a lot of time to think about whether I wanted to return her call or not. Or rather, I thought about the fact that I most decidedly did NOT want to return her call. And then I thought bout willingness vs willfulness, and how willingness is opening up and willfulness is closing down. I thought about how closing myself off from T would effect me in the long run.

Certainly part of me was feeling like this was the last straw, I'm done with T, she let me down AGAIN, all that stuff. And then I thought about how she's never given up on me. How I've asked her point blank to not give up on me and she has assured me many times that she will never give up on me. How many times do we get that in our lives? Is that really a relationship that I want to throw away? The ONE relationship I have where I can be absolutely honest and authentic and be as needy and messy as I need to be?

so, then I called her.

She said she was on the freeway and had to pull off to take my call, so at the end of our conversation I said "are you leaving town? Why are you on the freeway? Don't tell me you're leaving town." To which she replied, of course: "I'm leaving town." luckily she followed that up by telling me she will have her phone with her and she's going to some boring thingy or other and she said "I will welcome phone calls". I said, "well, you might live to regret saying that but...ok. I guess that's acceptable to me." And we both laughed.