We can't diagnose you...I definitely think you need to talk to your doctor immediately. It could be any number of things, but it definitely sounds like you need to get help sooner rather than later. The fact that you're aware your behavior isn't normal is a good sign, so now you can make the decision to do something about it. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
__________________
"Better not look down, if you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down, keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back, or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving, if you don't look down" - B.B. King
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